February 2012
1 post
so
I took a leap of faith. Booked a plane ticket, went to see someone I’ve known my entire life but hadn’t seen or spoken to in 8 years. Something compelled me to reach out to him before 2011 ended - so I did. Turns out he was home from the Navy temporarily, and when I met with him it was like a day hadn’t passed between us, let alone eight years.
So I took my leap of faith and I...
January 2012
3 posts
December 2011
8 posts
I like being alone.
dinosaursarecomingback:
I like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone.
I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone.
It gives me time to think, and set my mind free.
I like eating alone, and listening to music alone.
But when I see a mother with her child;
A girl with her lover;
Or a friend laughing with their best friend;
I realize that even though I like being alone.
I don’t...
it seems to be an appropriate time of year for tears
you can't find me on here so
here goes
i already miss you. i’ve missed you previously, but i miss you more today than i missed you yesterday and the day before that and so on. there’s something about your deep voice, your softly cracking sleepy voice, your laugh. it all resonates within me, it puts my mind at ease, it makes me feel like i’m supposed to be: comfortable, warm, relaxed. i miss your teasing,...
i get really frustrated
with myself. am i setting myself up for disaster again? maybe. am i ready for it? my body says no, my head and my heart say no. but it’s part of getting old and learning lessons. no one learned a lesson from things being easy. it’s the hard stuff that gets you every time.
i just want to talk to you, yet i’m the one that suggested we don’t talk for a couple of days. i want...
garbled nonsense
i remember the first time he touched me. not in that way, but the first time our bodies made physical contact ever. we were sitting in a crowded booth at our campus pub, and a friend showed up and we all had to scoot over.
instead of telling me to move, he put his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him using his hand. i was jolted with electricity - not a static shock, but as if i was...
connections
since listening to music releases the same pleasure hormones as sex or eating, i think it’s safe to say that i need to get laid soon
November 2011
5 posts
since i can't run
i’ve been feeling this incredible urge to rip off the top layer of my body. not clothes per se, but shed this god awful feeling i’ve been toting around with me for months now. tug at the skin, pull off the deadness that i’ve been feeling sinking into my bones for so long now. i’ve been longing for this feeling for.. god, i can’t even say how long it’s been that...
I’m sorry I can’t be everything I want to be for you
I’m trying to keep my head up but I feel like I keep forcing myself under, to take smaller breaths each time, to push me to my limit only to see if my limit’s been reached.
I don’t know how much longer I can stand myself
mirror
always getting herself into messes. the tears she can’t explain, the silence she feels resonating through her system. the silence she echoes into the phone, the emptiness spilling into the air around her.
she’s not always like this, you try and explain. she just gets like this. he’s confused, asks why she can’t just relax and cheer up. it’s not that easy for her, you...
waking up early
just me, the dark bedroom, and the rushing winds this morning.
i could have gotten up out of bed, but chose to
enjoy the warmth of my blankets, the whispering air outside,
and the fact that i was so very alive in that moment.
October 2011
1 post
dear you:
This is, sometimes, what you have to put up with.
This nagging, never-ending feeling of doubt. That creeping sense of insecurity that comes up from my gut, snaking through my esophagus with an intensity far hotter than heartburn, that grasps my voice box with its wrenching grip and wrangles my throat into a burning, bitter mess. The anxiety that creeps up from my stomach and keeps me awake at...
September 2011
1 post
it's incredible
how the one thing that should be making me happier than anything else has really just made me feel anxious and insecure. it’s not me, is it? no, it definitely is, because it’s not him. i’m overwhelming, i’m needy, i’m exhausting, i’m annoying. this is what i’ve told myself since this all started over the summer - it wasn’t him, it never was, it was...
August 2011
1 post
I turned to you and asked
“Have you ever been in love?”
You, driving, looked taken aback by the question.
“You usually preface those kinds of questions with ‘this might be awkward, but…’”
I smiled and said
“I know. I didn’t want you to know it was coming.”
You said
“I don’t know.”
I laughed and said
“What...
July 2011
1 post
awe.
I witnessed the most beautiful sunset in my entire life last night at Woods Hole. A friend took a group of us to his favorite place in the world, a place called “The Knob” - something I had never heard of, seeing as how I rarely venture to the Cape area. After a walk through the woods (where I fell - surprise, surprise..) and a stumble down a long walking path, we arrived at a nearly...
May 2011
8 posts
wishful musings
When I’m older, I’m going to have a massive fridge that is custom-made with an entire door that’s magnetic and a chalkboard. That way, I can have a place to write and a place to put things up that my kids make.
if you want a revolution, the only solution: evolve.
April 2011
14 posts
things certainly become easier when you care less. think less, feel less. unfortunately for me, i can’t care less, think less, or feel less about you. you’re the middle of what i am and what i hate that i’m becoming. you are the conjoined center of my venn diagram, always splitting and overanalyzing and scrutinizing and listing. you are the common list of what i aspire to have...
“As the moon lingers a moment over the bitterroots, before its descent into the...”
– A River Runs Through It
best day of my life
I’ll never forget anything that happened today. I’m a BOSTON MARATHONER!!!!!
HOLY SHIT
I’M RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON TOMORROW
You never know when you’re taking something for granted until it’s gone, and because of that I’m unsure whether I miss you or the idea of you but I know that I miss you. I’m never one for emotion and public affection but I miss the sensory effects - the warmth of your hand around mine, your voice saying “I love you”. That one look you gave me that made me melt,...
I cannot believe how much I’ve grown in the last few months — scarily so. I’ve broken up, laughed, cried, made out, repaired, healed, ate, drank, slept, and most importantly - ran. I’ve run, both literally and metaphorically, for the last few months as if my life has depended on it. I’ve taken chances and run from my fears and bit the bullet - told acquaintances what...
everybody wants somebody because we all want to feel like our existence on this earth is for a reason. no one wants to fight the good fight — and the bad fight — alone. but yet we’re all fighting for something, for someone we don’t know - or maybe we do know - but nevertheless we’re still fighting. we fight until the end - with passion, fervor, and the incessant will...
no regrets
take the time to figure out who i am and what i want. relish in memories but don’t dwell. run faster, laugh louder, love deeper. discover more verbs and then live through them.
it’s nice, feeling free to be myself, and to learn who i am so i can learn who you are. whoever you are, out there, that’s right for me. square pegs don’t fit in round holes, and i know...
1 tag
i am a chameleon. i transform into those i surround myself with, absorbing their virtues and vices. we all eat, drink, sleep, bitch, laugh, fuck, love, live. separate people, melding into one another to form a group of friends.
i change my hair, my nails, my clothes, but i can’t change the way i osmotically become part of you. melting into your arms, your face, your eyes, your lips. i want...
March 2011
27 posts
it never occurred to me until now that i’m a runner. whoa. this is pretty friggin’ awesome.
“The cure for anything is salt water —- sweat, tears, or the sea.”
– Isak Dinensen
it’s always two steps forward, three steps back. sometimes i feel like i can’t catch a break from life, but i know that i’m only setting myself up for disaster, always. i don’t know which one i miss more - you, or the idea of you - but i do know for sure that i miss my best friend, and that’s the hardest part of all.
everyone wonders why i run. i run to escape life,...
world of pain
I ran 20 miles yesterday. In 3 hours and 4 minutes. And then proceeded to go out in Boston, in heels, later that night.
I’m not the smartest person sometimes, but 20 miles is more than pretty awesome. So if I’m going to celebrate, I’m going to look damn good doing it. Even if that means wearing heels.
i do what i want
I ran 15 miles this morning, so don’t tell me that my lunch looks huge.